It is currently 4am and I am wide awake. I have been since 2am.
I have no idea what woke me up or why I am awake at such a ridiculous time, but there we go, this often happens.
There is only so long you can stare at the blank ceiling before your mind wanders into chaos. I start to think about work and what I have to do tomorrow, I start thinking about the holiday I have coming up and everything that needs to be done for that, I start thinking about these blogs and what I have planned for them, I start thinking about if I was an animal, whether I would rather live in the sky, the sea or on land; (for the record, on the land).
All things that do not need to be thought about at such times. I have come up with loads of inventions which in the early hours seem great and I promise myself that I will one day take them onto Dragons Den to make my millions (not yet applied for the show, not yet a millionaire).
I know now that because I have been so sleep deprived, the rest of today is going to be a struggle, as it would be for anyone. I know that this will have a knock on affect for the next few days in fact. This fills me with dread.
Time left alone with my imagination can either be amusing or dangerous. I can entertain myself for ages with all the bizarre questions I think up – that is always good fun. On the flip side, I can really bring myself down. I start to think about all the negatives in my life at the moment and how awful everything is. I start to think about where it is I want to be, how I’m not there and how I’m never going to get there. I sometimes think about minor things I did 4/5 years ago and start to worry about how I perhaps could have done things differently. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.
I’m working really hard at the moment to really beat down those negative thoughts and put positive spins on them.
No, I’m not quite where I would like to be, but I am doing everything I possibly can to get there. I am fortunate that I am quite inquisitive and curious by nature, it helps to be pro-active and to out and get what you want. I’m a big believer that if you believe in yourself enough, you will get there.
The situations I get upset about can all be changed. Making those changes is the difficult apart.
It has taken me a long time to realise this and it has taken a lot of retraining my brain, but I’m starting to feel more and more comfortable with where I am, what I am doing and where I am heading.
A friend recently sent me a book called ‘How to be happy (or at least a little less sad)’ by Lee Crutchley. It is a creative workbook and really gets you to look at your way of thinking and how you feel. I tend to work through this if I am awake and at a loose end, and it has really helped. Thank you so much Emma.
There is one exercise in the book which I would love to share with you.
1) Make a list of things you do every day that give you no pleasure.
2) Cross out anything non-essential.
3) On another piece of paper, make a list of things you do every day that give you pleasure.
4) Circle anything non-essential.
It is a really easy exercise and does not take much time at all. It really got me to think about all the things I do that stop me from doing the things I love and I have now made changes to help build the things I love and irradiate the things I don’t. I would really urge you to give it a go, or even get a copy of the book!
You might even have a friend as wonderful as mine who may gift it to you, if so, you have awesome friends with great taste!
Do more of what you love, do less of what you don’t.
Stay with me here.